help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I need to calm my uterus...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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