I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am one with the molecules
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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