my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
