Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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