Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Dude, just got a bummer.

(1-502): View more from Kentucky

What??

(502): View more from Kentucky

A blow job from a homeless chick.

Fav 27 1271 2254
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(913): View more from Kansas

I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.

Fav 9 2303 1069
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(757): View more from Virginia

It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.

Fav 11 3297 1166
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(805): View more from California

It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese

Fav 4 1260 2269
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(417): View more from Missouri

All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.

Fav 6 1027 693
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(619): View more from California

It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.

Fav 11 3071 839
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(301): View more from Maryland

He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.

Fav 15 1890 723
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(989): View more from Michigan

Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.

Fav 5 873 431
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(217): View more from Illinois

Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success

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