Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize