hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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