I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize