dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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