doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
