I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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