do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
