We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
