matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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