Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
