her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
