I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
