I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
