I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
