Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
