My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
