I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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