i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
