and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
