Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
