So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
