Only a mothe r could love this liver
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize