We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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