he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
