he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
