i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
