I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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