Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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