I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
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