Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
