WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
