yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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