I seem to have left my pride at pride
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
