i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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