Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
