help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
