It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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