this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
