I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
