I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize