Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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