Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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