Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
