i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
