I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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