epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize