covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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