Buhtt sex?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
