I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
