you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
