Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
