just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize