I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
