I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sorry about my life...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
