For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
