You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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