i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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