You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
