Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
