And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
