is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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