I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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