So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
