i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
