Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
