Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
