Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Im part way to drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
